ONE WEEK TO GO!

The last few weeks

There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies. – Martin Luther King, Jr.

“ The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect, he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise” — Alden Nowlan

I’m on my last hurdle and on my last few weeks yet I’m staring at this blank page contemplating what to write about what I’ve learnt from the experience.  Safe to say those who have read each entry to my blog will understand the ups and downs I have confronted.  Most people would say I have lost a lot in the last couple of months, what may not be so obvious is how much I have gained and its these personal achievements I wish to focus on. I’ll begin by saying that however hard this experience has been at times I do not regret it for a second as I’ve learnt so much more about myself.  For people who don’t know me before coming here, I would be described as Passionate.  I always got what I wanted in the end and not because demand it but because I don’t shy away from hard work and I tackle my problems face on.  My love for Wildlife began before I remember when I fell in love with seals and marine biology, by the age of 8-9 years old I was already planning my job interviews and how I was going to save all the animals. Everyone around thought I was just a typical child who would grow out of it, but not me, like I’ve said before I’m stubborn.  Despite this hardworking attitude without going into too much detail, I am not academically smart and I struggled in a number of ways through school, but I got there in the end. Growing up I always dreamed of traveling and with some stuff I went through in school only made me hate my hometown and made my yearn for leaving stronger.  I guess you could say that my passion is what also makes it difficult for me to let go of relationships.

Being here ultimately has made me more confused than ever, in spite of having some knocks along the way I’ve always been a straight arrow and a good understanding of my end goal, which for the last few years would have been me and my boyfriend running away somewhere and me working in conservation and that dream for just a moment was in reach.  For the first time in my life I’m questioning whether that this entire time I’ve been going in the wrong direction. My passion for wildlife, nature and the outdoors still remains and always will but also need to make room for other things in my life as well.  Surprisingly I don’t know if its old wounds finally healing but instead of running away from home I want to run towards it.  Yes that place and the people I always resented and now that I’ve been away its all I want.  Saying that I needed to travel and experience a new place because even though I miss home like crazy it’s within my blood and my curiosity to explore new places and I don’t think that part of me will ever truly go.  I guess that part of me is still conflicted the need for familiarity and family and the urge to explore learn and grow. There is one thing I will always be sure about, I needed to get away from that town because even though it is my home and ultimately it will be the place I always come back too with open arms, I needed to break away. Although many people choose to stay close to home and nothing is wrong with that I couldn’t stay my entire life in that small town, it anchored me down never truly gave me the confidence to be myself. As for everything else somewhere on the way to getting everything I wanted out of life, I realized I forgot how to enjoy it.   

Being here has allowed me to learn a lot about myself. I’ve realized that it’s ok to move on and let things go.  I need to stop feeling guilty about acting selfishly, I have learnt that I am much stronger than I thought and that it’s ok to make mistakes.  Despite everything I have also regained my faith back in people. I thought my friends would all move on whilst I was here but they personally have made sure that wouldn’t happen. I have also gained much more independence alongside recognizing that I don’t have to be strong all the time. Sometimes it may feel like it would have been easier if I just give up on dreaming but I refuse to be swallowed up and risk losing the ultimate goal.  With these reasons alone, this trip was worthwhile.

Today I booked my flight come to be earlier, I’ve almost finished the project and I needed to be surrounded by family and friends. Just to nuzzle my nose into my Dog (Flash) fur will be enough. But let’s not forget the highlights. All the wildlife especially the invertebrates and butterflies, Ilha Grande and all the fish, seeing the endangered Muriqui for the first time and the coatis and enjoying the rainbows at Iguassu falls. These will be the amazing memories which stick out to and the ones that keep replaying in my mind. And they are irreplaceable.  I’ve also made some fantastic friends here, some which barely know my language but which make me feel more welcome here than some people in my own country and I am forever grateful for you. Finally cultural experiences and I will especially miss a good acai! Even though I may appear ungrateful at times, I want to state for the record that I’m not.  

Yesterday my friend good friend Marina and some other friends I have met here all went to the beautiful house where I spent Festa Junina to wish me farewell! Even though I have not known these people long and there’s a bit of language barrier, they are some of the kindest nicest people I have ever met. They really made these last couple of months more bearable and I will miss them when I’m back in England! We spent the night playing charades and eating nibbles!  These are people and with similar interests to my friends at home, although I am terrible at charades.  I will be home in just over a week so this week will be spent packing at saying my goodbyes J although it’s been an emotional year, I do not regret it for an instant.  My last weekend here will be hopefully climbing ‘Pedra do sino’ with marina however this is weather dependent, my presentation and maybe even see people in town.

At this current moment I am grateful for everyone, the people that have been there for me throughout my experience here whether that’s friends and family at home or people I have grown and met here, I am thankful for all the staff at PARNASO, for my lecturers and my friend and colleague Joe, even after everything I am still thankful you was here. I am also grateful for my language teacher and friend Alexis. Finally I am forever thankful for my ex-boyfriend Joseph Christopher Scholes, despite everything I wouldn’t be close to where I am today without you, you saw all the good in me that I couldn’t see. 

THANK YOU EVERYONE! SEE YOU IN ENGLAND !!!! 

Everyone's filling me up with noise, I don't know what they're talking about
You see all I need's a whisper in a world that only shouts.